Jay Z

College Grammar, Composition, and Literature Area

Moderators: Zyrell, TchTerri, HHelpSandy, Message Board Admins

Re: Jay Z

Postby love20 » Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:14 pm

final corrections of the first two paragraph
Ever wanted to listen to something upbeat and hardcore? Then hip-hop is your choice. This genre of music avails you to bring out that aggressive side,without authentically being so. There's various artists that paved the way, not only in the hip-hop world, outside of it also. The utmost prominent rap entertainer of all time is none other than Jay- Z. He created numerous hits, for example, “99 Problems,” “Empire State of Mind”, and “Holy Grail” just to designate a few. Jay Z has multiple sides to him; he teaches us how to be successful, and show us what's important in life v.s. what’s not.
Jay - Z gives you several sides of himself when creating his music and variety of businesses, by staying true to himself. Once in awhile you may hear and see this hardcore man, and other times this soft and sensitive person. Although he’s a hip-hop artist, his style transmuted over time as he grew older; he went from sagging jeans to wearing suits and ties. Jay-Z had an apparel line called RocaWear, which he sold in 2007. This aptitudinal musician doesn’t just rap, besides withal owns an NBA basketball team called the Nets. When looking for a career the employer doesn’t need a person who has one skill set. Having more than one skill set helps you to secure an exceptional occupation, and lets the employer know that you are dependable when an employee is out sick.
love20
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 5:36 pm

Re: Jay Z

Postby Writeacher » Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:29 pm

love20 wrote:Ever wanted to listen to something upbeat and hardcore? Then hip-hop is your choice. This genre of music avails you to bring out that aggressive side,without authentically being so. There's various artists that paved the way, not only in the hip-hop world, but outside of it also. The utmost prominent rap entertainer of all time is none other than Jay- Z. He created numerous hits for example, “99 Problems,” “Empire State of Mind”, and “Holy Grail” just to designate a few. Jay Z has multiple sides to him; he teaches us how to be successful, and show us what's important in life v.s. what’s not.
Jay - Z gives you several sides of himself when creating his music and variety of businesses, by staying true to himself. Once in awhile you may get this hardcore man, and other times this soft and sensitive person. His style transmuted over time as he grew older; he went from sagging jeans to wearing suits and ties. Jay-Z had an apparel line called RocaWear, which he sold in 2007. This aptitudinal musician doesn’t just rap, but withal owns an NBA basketball team called the Nets. When looking for a career the employer don’t need a person who has one skill set. Having more than one skill set helps you to secure an exceptional occupation, and lets the employer know that you are dependable when an employee is out sick.


Words in this color make no sense; your best bet is to use simpler words, not words you are not familiar with. If your paper sounds as if it were drenched in a thesaurus, your instructor will pick up on this and your grade will go down.

Words/phrases in this color are grammatically incorrect, whether in subject-verb agreement, punctuation error, or whatever.

The last part puzzles me. A person needs to prove dependability only when someone else is out sick?

How can you revise all this so that no form of "you" or "we" is included. Formal papers are normally written in third person, not first or second.
http://resources.jjay.cuny.edu/erc/tutoring/pdfs/4.pdf
Writeacher
PATH Assistant Room Leader
 
Posts: 346
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2005 1:09 pm
Location: Texas

Re: Jay Z

Postby love20 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:56 am

v.s. stands for versus thought you knew that duh.
love20
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 5:36 pm

Re: Jay Z

Postby love20 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:57 am

And the word don't been changed to doesn't
love20
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 5:36 pm

Re: Jay Z

Postby love20 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:31 am

there is suppose to be a comma after hits before for because that's how you write for example duh
love20
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 5:36 pm

Re: Jay Z

Postby love20 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:59 pm

can I use people in place of some of the you
love20
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 5:36 pm

Re: Jay Z

Postby Tchrjan » Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:12 pm

love20 wrote:can I use people in place of some of the you


You could probably use "a person" or "someone" or "people"....or "a listener
Tchrjan
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2005 12:21 pm
Location: Divide, CO

Previous

Return to College English, Grammar, Composition, and Literature

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron